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Friday, December 30, 2016

The Stormtrooper Package

Photo by Johnny Silvercloud from Flickr
I recently thought about how stormtroopers from the Star Wars films are not very good soldiers in the sense that they get killed easily and cannot shoot anything. Anyway, I was also wondering if their suicidal behavior has anything to do with their insurance policy—the Empire has to offer some package, right! Who would be a soldier for free? C’mon!

Maybe, if they get killed in battle, their family gets a nice package! The way I see it is that these guys have to be the bottom part of society in the Star Wars galaxy and become soldiers to get a decent living and a nice package for the family!

Who would want to fight for an Empire that is led by a satanic looking dude like Emperor Palpatine? So, I figure these guys become stormtroopers for survival and to give something to their families, right? 

Yeah, maybe they might be a little deranged themselves, but still. No one would just join an army to just kill. Like I said, stormtroopers join the Empire to make some living or to just survive. I’m sure there is a brainwashing process to be suicidal troopers, but that is another issue.  

So, I really do hope that these guys get some sort of package for themselves and their families. I mean, does the Empire pay for schooling once these guys retire? What is the deal on that? Do their kids get a to use the benefits?


Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Why didn't the Star Wars universe have the technology to regenerate body parts?

Photo by Flickr

I was watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars the other day and a though came over me. In this universe that George Lucas created, the ability to create a whole army out of cloning one guy is totally possible. However, when someone loses a body part, say from a light saber, then it can only be replaced by a mechanical prosthetic.

I mean, in Star Wars, ships easily warp into light speed. Just about everything has the anti-gravity technology. Seriously, I'm sure couches can float in every planet in the Star Wars universe.

All that and not one scientists decided to regenerate body parts. I mean the mechanical prosthetic parts kick ass an all, look at Luke Skywalker's hand or even check out Darth Vader's body, even though it would suck being in that extreme state, but not one hint of regenerating human body parts or any kind of body.

Seriously, for how advanced the Star Wars universe is, it sure is barbaric. Clone a shit load of guys to send to their death but no hope of regenerating body parts for people that get maimed constantly by light sabers or any type of freaking laser.

I know that this aspect of this universe is what creates great characters like Darth Vader, but still. What do think about this?

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Yoda Taught for 800 Years! Earth Years?

Photo by Gonzalo Martin from Flickr
There is a scene in Empire Strikes Back in which Yoda is giving up in teaching Luke Skywalker the Jedi-way, and Obi-Wan Kenobi’s spirit is trying to convince Yoda to be patient and give Luke a chance. 

Yoda replies by telling Obi’s spirit that he has been teaching the Jedi-way for over 800 years. That is a lot of years! However, is it Earth years? How can a galaxy far, far away have the concept of years! Years only applies to Earth, right? A year is when our planet, Earth, revolves around the Sun one time, thus a year.

Well, Yoda is not from Earth. Well, he could be! But, yeah, no! So, 800 years in the Star Wars universe is really how long for us Earthlings? Also, these characters from Star Wars are jumping planets and systems all the time, so the years would have to be different every time they took a trip, right?

What do you think?

Monday, December 26, 2016

Darth Vader’s Dark Powers Failed with Princess Leia

Photo by Danny Hope from Flickr
In the movie Star Wars: A New Hope, Darth Vader takes Princess Leia prisoner to torture her for information on the whereabouts of the Rebels. As we know, Vader is the father of Leia, as stated in the sequel or in Episode VI: Return of the Jedi. Why didn’t Darth Vader sense that when he was torturing her? 

I mean isn’t he supposed to be one of the most powerful beings in that galaxy, next to the Sith or the Emperor? Vader must have felt stupid for a second when he sensed that information from Luke Skywalker during their second showdown in the Return of the Jedi.

That was a big boo-boo for Darth Vader. Had his own daughter under his nose, and not even his “great dark powers” allowed him to sense that! I’m telling you this dark side stuff is a bunch of crap!

Really, if the dark side is so powerful, why didn’t the Emperor see or sense that Darth Vader was going to turn on him when he was killing Luke with his lightning bolts that shoot out of his hands.

I think it would have been better if Han Solo was the twin brother. It makes perfect sense! Solo turns out to be a galactic criminal because his father was never around! It would have been interesting if it would have gone that way, no? Then, the dark power of Darth could have a little more dignity that way. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Darth Vader is an Oakland Raiders

Photo by Steve Troughton from Flickr
Darth Vader is an Oakland Raiders! Yes, that is right! One of the most popular villains of all time is a Raiders fan. It might not be a good thing to have a dark villain being a Raiders fan, but it is a very cool thing! 

This dark villain has been seen rolling deep with the Raider Nation at games. He’s been part of the “Black Hole” at the Oakland Coliseum numerous times. What for? To support his favorite team, the Oakland Raiders.

This guy must travel galaxies to come see a Raiders game. In the last decade, I’m sure he’s been disappointed with his NFL team’s performance, but, regardless, like all Raiders fan, he’s still devoted and loyal. 
With this successful season so far in 2016, Darth Vader has brought the power of the dark side with him and cheer on the Raiders! So, do not underestimate the power of the dark side!

Darth Vader is the master of all Raiders! I one looks around when there is a Raiders game at the Oakland Coliseum, one just might get a nice glimpse of him! Oh yeah, any other cheap impostor that uses Darth Vader to support any other NFL team is an impostor. Seriouly!

May the force be with you!

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Boba Fett The Movie

Photo by Robert Schultz from Flickr
I heard there’s going to be a movie about Boba Fett by Disney. Ever since Disney took over the Star Wars franchise, it decided to expand the universe of Star Wars. Of course, one of the projects is going to be Fett.

Well, besides making the next three episodes with JJ Abrams, Disney is also doing side projects with different characters: movies, T.V. cartoons, etc.

I really hope they don’t phuck this up! So far, it has been good with Disney for the Star Wars franchise, especially with Rogue One coming out later this month.
With Fett, I hope they don’t make it too cute or something of that sort. If it was up to me, the Fett story would be super grim and a bit disturbing.

For those that saw Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones, Boba Fett witnesses the decapitation of his father, Jango Fett, via Mace Windu, played by Samuel L. Jackson.

Well, Boba is left by his lonesome with his father’s gadgets and his father’s spaceship called Slave I. The story from there has to be dark and gruesome for this kid living in a tumultuous galaxy all by his lonesome.

I would start with Boba Fett becoming a hit man at a super young age. After that, it would all be pure entertainment in a way that Lucas should have done from the beginning, grim and not cutesy.

To be continued…

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Better Ewoks for the Remake of Star Wars

Photo by S. from Flickr
I really think that it would be cool to remake the Star Wars Trilogy. The remake should be geared towards adults and make it very dark. That would be super awesome!

One idea is to get rid of the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi. Seriously, the Ewoks, little teddy bears that can barely walk, helped the Rebels defeat the Empire in the final battle with sticks and stones! C’mon!

In the remake the Ewoks should be real sized bears that walk on their hind legs and run on all four. In the final battle, the Ewoks should be shown tearing up stormtroopers to pieces, making the battle very gory. Imagine Ewoks running at full speed as they attack.

I would also give the Ewoks or Bearwoks some sort of technology to be able to fight back against lasers besides their brute power. Maybe the Ewoks would have have some sort of crossbows with lasers, thus something similar to what Chebacca has.

The story would be more interesting and way more awesome, especially when Princes Leia encounters them for the first time. The new Ewoks would be fierce and feared! See instead of cuteness, the new Ewoks in the remake would make the movie more intense.

Anyway, that’s just an idea for the remake of the first Star Wars trilogy in the future in some galaxy far, far away.